When A Little Girl Said...

   As he wished, I won't tell you here about what exactly was going on with me, and him, some days ago. Because I heard so many bad rumor that we were... separated. YES! We were.

   I was in Bogor. And he was in Surabaya. And we WERE separated, indeed. Lol

   Just as what I've said on recent post in my blog, well, I said about the decision of heading a long distance relationship. Yeah, there was a conversation between us. It was a really really bad conversation. We were also heading a big problem during the conversation. And, without we realized, there was a hole in front of us, and we were falling down. But, we decided to got up. Then, we got up. And when we were up already, I saw... it was not the same place. It was so different. Too different. I couldn't recognize where it was.

   And now, after everything is done, I'm feeling awkward. I'm feeling it's not myself that is typing here, telling you what is on my mind. I'm feeling I'm still alone. After I got my new place in Bogor, well, I'm feeling I'm so different. It's not like the usual me. Sometimes, I'm feeling so crazy, I'm feeling so nothing here. I'm feeling too empty. I'm like a young girl who can't got a huge teddy bear she likes. I lost almost a half part of my spirit. Feels like I have no strength to stand up and walk away. I just wanna come back to my early place, where I got so many huge teddy bear. But, I know, Allah wants me to move on and see what are here in the new place. But, feels like, I'm not that ready to be here in my new place because I'm alone here. No one can show me the way. I need someone. I can't bear all the things here.

   Sorry, for being not so clear with my sentences. I just don't know what to say, as usual.

   But, I'm so disappointed. I hate him. I hate myself. I thought after all this time, everything is back to the normal, but it's not. Worse and much worse than I've expected. I can't bear it. Feels like it's only me who play the game while I should have one partner to play with.

   Maybe I should play with my own way. But I don't know how it is. I don't know how much strength I have right now. And I can do now is just: FACE IT! IT'S YOUR CHOICE!

   Well, maybe this post is the most frustrated post I've ever type. And may I say.

   Now, I'm officially in a long distance relationship. No.

   Now, I'm officially in a long distance with someone I like. That's better.