"I Saw Your Face In The Crowded Place"

   In the middle of my business preparing for Mid Tests, in fact I still have enough time to open my blog and post it, LOL. It's kinda a difficult situation for me. Awake in the midnight everyday, more coffee consumptions, less eating, more activities, it's like I'm trying to ruin my own body. But, actually, what is *inside* right now is ruining not only my body, but also my mind.

   And I'm gonna tell you this.

   Long time ago, I just knew some people in my group. Not all of them. And I could recognize some people but I couldn't remember their name as well. And in a night, there's someone who suddenly texted me, asking my physics homeworks whether I could find the answer or not. Who's this boy, I was asking myself. For me, he was quite attentive that he asked me such questions. I tried to remember, but I couldn't find the one.

   Until, our group were going somewhere. And finally, I knew the one who texted me that night. Okay, may I say, he was better than the others. I mean, better to be looked, LOL. Well, it was just my perception when I first met him directly. And I didn't know why, since our trip, I felt something a bit strange. Yeah, sometime, I caught him staring at me. Well, I didn't know exactly where he took a look. But, it was always in my position. Okay, you may say that I was too much of it, lol. I felt a bit disturbed. You know how it feels like, when you catch a boy staring at you. Feel that *too much* feeling? :)

   It often happened every time when we had a group gathering. And I heard from my friend that he likes someone. Ouch, you maybe know how my feeling was. I couldn't deny that I felt more awkward, especially when I met him. I couldn't look at him, I didn't have any idea why I did like that. I couldn't just stay relax. And I still caught him looking at me. The more I caught him, the more I felt awkward. And once I asked myself, do I like him? How can I this awkward when I meet him?

   And it was a cold morning. I saw him getting off from the vehicle. And from the place I was sitting, I realized something.

   And now, I'd like to say "I'm sorry for all the things I have done" to his girlfriend. That sometimes I look at him almost like a stalker, like an admirer. But, well, it's not because of her boyfriend is good-looking or I'm interested in him or something. It is not like that, sister.

   But, after that morning, I feel more and more awkward, even I can't stay staring at him when we meet in some chances.

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   A lil bit I know, he is a quite person in my class. When I first saw him, he was so ordinary. Tan skin, thin, and what can be so interesting from him, by the way? And my mind also ever thought, what kind of girl will like him? Lol, I know I was that rude.

   Although we often met, But I never had a deep convo with him. Only in a formal forum or class. Until I got a link of his socnet account. And we were having convo there. For the first, just a short and simple one. Then, I accidently replied our convo with English. And he replied with English, too. He also said that my English was really good, not too bad. And he said he loved to have those conversations with me. Can't you just stay calm down when a guy say like that to you? Or maybe I'm that too-much once again? LOL, maybe, yes, I'm that too-much.

   But, since then, It changed me. Honestly, I keep waiting for his replies. And finally I know he is a nice friend to talk to, especially in English convo. His replies can give another spirit for me. But when I meet him in the class, I feel more awkward when I see him or even talk with him. Do you think I like him? M A Y B E. Once I think that he almost the same like Jabos (if you still remember him). But, I guess there's something which makes me feel like this.

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   When I saw him getting off the vehicle, I saw you. And everytime I look at him, I stare at him, I always see you and you and YOU. Always YOU. That's why I can't stay staring at him. That's why I look at him like a stalker. It's not because I see him as he is. Because I see your face in him. I see you in him. I see you. I'm still seeing you here.

   And when he said that he loves those English convo with me, everytime we have that English convo, or even the way he comments on me, It feels like I have a convo with you once again. That I see in him is always YOU. Even every single word he types on his replies. It all reminds me of you. Still you.

   In the first, maybe you can say that I like those guys. And I thought I did, but when I found out, I realized. Maybe I like them, but it's not 'THEM'. It's still you. Because I see you in them. And it disturbs my mind a lot. Especially when I know, and I'm truly knowing this fact, that I can't be that easily admiring you as I used to do.

I saw your face in the crowded place,and I don't know what to do,cause I'll never be with you. . 

- D Perwita Sari, in a middle of the night

   And I'd like to clear this feeling. Whatever the way is.