I know perfectly who's this girl. She is my sister next door, my best friend since I was a very young girl. We've been so closed for years and I used to play with her. She is a very kind neighbor, I regard her as my real sister. And we've been not so closed for a long time, since we were a junior high school student. We were going to different school. She was in SMPN 2 Jember and I was in SMPN 3 Jember. Although we were so seldom to meet each other, sometimes we met in a karang taruna meeting. And on that occasion, we often sat together and talked and shared, though it was not a deep sharing, but from that I knew something.
As a teenager usually feel, we felt that "special" feeling. As a teenager, we had an admiration to someone, a boy of course. Yeah, as you've known, I liked someone, and so did she. I felt something called first love, and so did she. I guess, I didn't share about someone I liked because, you know, I only shared private things to someone I really believe. Unfortunately, she was not the lucky one. It was not because of I didn't believe her, but because I was so shy to tell her the truth.
She didn't tell me that she liked someone. I guessed it. I asked her, and for the first, she didn't say the truth. But after that, she said honestly that she liked someone. She didn't mention who he was, once again I guessed it. And I was true. Through her handphone, I knew who she liked. On her contact, I found a weird name. It was so different with other contacts, it was "D'sasuke" and I knew who he was. Because I often saw this name on Friendster.
After I knew the one she liked, I often teased her by yelling "Cieeee" or asking "Ah, you both must've messaged every single day". But she only replied, "No, we are not!". And any other teases. Also, for once or twice or more, I ever asked to asked Ian about that boy. Of course, I did it with all my pleasure. I'd really like to see someone is on happiness because of falling in love. Because world suddenly changes into a peaceful place. So, I helped her. The only thing I remember is I asked about a girl he liked to Ian and some other friends that ever being his schoolmate. They said they didn't know about that rumor. So, I said to her what I got. The rumor was he liked my schoolmate. Then, she asked me personally about this girl. I said I didn't really know about her because I never be her classmates. I just knew which one she was. And she kept asking about this girl and she said she would really like to see how this girl was. And she kept wondering until she was in high school.
Unfortunately, my sister was in different high school with me and the boy she liked. I never met this boy except in Friendster. Oh, once I met him when Ian brought him to my school. At the time when I saw him for the very first time, he was...ummm, okay. Because I never saw better boy in my school. But, it doesn't mean I liked him when I first saw him, of course not. At the time, my heart couldn't change, only for my first love. Lol.
Then, we are in the same high school, until this second, lol. But, I didn't really realize it. I mean, I didn't really take it into my mind. I just knew he is on the same school as me, and that's all. Until, we finally met in MPK. He was member of commission B and I was the first treasurer. So, I had to close with other member because there was a rule about cash contribution. I was asked for controlling the X grade members. And the only thing I knew was he was my MPK partner. Just the same like other member, I always collected cash contribution to him. And in a karang taruna meeting when I met my sister, I told her that at the time, he was also an MPK member like me. "So, do I have to say hello for you, sist?" offered me. She rejected my offer. But, when I met the boy, I told him that he got a greeting from someone, ha ha. I know that I was so nosy.
Until I knew that this boy liked me. Couple days after I had knew about it, I remembered my sister. How could the boy she liked liked a girl that used to be her matchmaker?? Felt like I was in very very bad position. Can you imagine it? It hurt me, like I blamed myself, but I knew it was not my fault that I had the same feeling as this boy. I'm sure if this boy didn't like me for the very first time, I wouldn't like him too. I'm pretty sure about it. But it was already happened and it couldn't change.
I was in a "risk" until I met my sister in my JHS's graduation party. She sat next to me. Suddenly, she whispered something. She asked me the boy's number. I was so surprised. It had been so long time that we didn't discussed about this boy. I thought that she had already forgotten about him. So, I just said, "Forget him, sist. Look for a better one in SMADA." I'm not willing to "drive her out" to like someone else. But, I knew the truth, though I was not pretty sure, but I was a bit sure that this boy liked someone else. And it just wasted time for my sister to like him because he liked someone else. I also said, "Seems like he likes someone right now, but I don't know who she is." And that one was me. A girl with innocent face who was talking to her, whom she asked to give her his number. I was in a very emergency situation. I couldn't say anything like usual. And finally I gave up and gave her his number. But I wanted her to promise me that she sent him SMS. She promised me.
And I couldn't stand with my condition, beside I couldn't lie that I liked him too. This matter was one of my big considerations when I decided to or to not accept him. Then, I believed to Allah, so I decided "Yes". So, we were in a relationship. But I was still thinking about my sister next door when she knew that her matchmaker was in relationship with the boy she liked. I was so nervous, especially when I met her. I thought I knew what she felt when she knew about it. Hurt, deep. But, I was sure that she didn't know which heart was the most broken. It was me. I was afraid of losing her as my bestfriend because we've been since we were very young girl. I was afraid that she would hate me.
But when we were texting on an occasion, she congratulated me. And my heart was still broken. Very much.
The most hurting is I couldn't tell everything to him. Because I didn't want to precede my sister to tell what had been going on. I had kept this secret for two years. And it was as long as how long I felt so hurt due to this condition.
And that Friday, maybe, is the day I've been waiting for so long. So, my sister would forget him by meeting him and giving him something. I was so glad and I helped her. I was not angry or feeling jealous, no. I was very happy that finally she wanted to move on. It's better for her, and for me. But the hardest thing was persuade the target to meet her. You know, once again it was a very bad position I had. I was like a the third person between him and her. I was like a postman, who sent a message here, sent a message there. Telling here like this, persuade there like that. Felt like I was not respected. Who was I really on this problem? It really pissed me off. They couldn't be controlled. I was angry, the girl seemed didn't respect me as his girlfriend and the boy was so childish. He didn't want to meet her. Oh God, my head was going to explode! By getting help from some of friends, I tried to persuade him to meet her. And yess, finally he agreed to meet her.
Well, I didn't really care how they met because that was their problem and what was my role? Nothing. So, I was staying at home and waiting for any news. I also saw him going to her house, taking the gift. May I say, It was a bit weird that he usually come to this place, but at the time, he came to a house next door.
At least, I was so relieved that now there's nothing to be hidden. It's over. One of my pain is disappeared. Feeling that awkward moment for a long time is such a hell for me. Sometimes, I couldn't stay to not hide it, but I know it was not my right to say everything.
I can't say perfect words to describe my feeling. But, sometimes it still hurts me. Then I realize, this world is too narrow.
And my sister inspires me. She is strong, she is bold to say everything to someone she liked. Not like me. I can't say the truth to him, although I know he has already known, but still I can't say that I liked him. For a very long time. I've promised to myself that I'll say everything on my autobiography. I only describe it by words.
And now it's really over. I'm so grateful. :)
Thank you sister, for being honest. :)
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