Philosophy 10.10.10 for me is...
10 : my birthday date
10 : your birthday month
10 : the year when we make a relationship commitment
But that philosophy, even that date, absolutely won't be exist on my love history. Forever. It's not important for me anymore. Even if there's another special thing happen, It won't be as beautiful as what I've dreamed, it won't be as beautiful as that philosophy. Because I don't need you anymore. In my whole life. Because I wanna say GOODBYE to you. Yup, maybe some part of my heart will cry, but it really doesn't matter. It's much much much better for me. I MUST STOP ECHOING YOUR NAME inside.
Well, why should I post about this topic?
First, I really love number 10. Everything in number 10. The thin and the fat. Substitutes each others. For me, 10 is a perfect number. My birthday date also number 10. So, it's my favorite number.
Second, his birthday date also consists of number 10, it's on his birthday month.
Because I really love number 10, and the boy I loved at the time has number 10 on his birthday date, so I dreamed that someday, on 10 October 2010 I would be his girlfriend. Beside the date is very beautiful, 10.10.10 is really meaningful, even it's just a dream.
But now, this dream will be impossible to happen. I have a boyfriend (and of course you guys know it if you read my third last post), and also I have decided to forget all about him since one year ago, in October 2009. Yes, I have forgotten all about him now. Thanks God. :D
But even if nothing important will exist, but I'm not willing to simply delete it from my mind, even my heart. I love that number. And I think it's only once in a lifetime. Honestly, sometimes I want this philosophy comes true. But, you know, I should keep it as my unreleased dream. That's really a good and perfect choice for now. Yeah, well. I should. And to end my dream, I made it. The reason why I should leave this dream.
Dear my first love,
Tuhan beserta semesta alam sepertinya memang tidak mengijinkan kita bersama
tapi Tuhan mengirimkanku sebuah malaikat berwujudkan manusia
melalui dia, Tuhan ingin melihat aku tertawa
melalui dia, Tuhan ingin melihat aku tersenyum
melalui dia, Tuhan ingin melihat aku bahagia
meski mungkin tidak selamanya, tapi Tuhan percayakan semua itu padanya
aku percaya Tuhan, Tuhan percaya dia, aku percaya dia
mungkin kamu hanya penyakit yang menggerogoti seluruh isi hatiku, tapi kamulah yang terindah
kamulah juga yang tersakit
kamulah juga yang terhebat
hatiku mau kamu, aku mau kamu, seluruh anggota badanku mau kamu, dulu
tapi Tuhan tidak menghubungkan ujung garis kehidupan kita untuk bertemu di satu titik
Tuhan menggariskan garis kehidupanku berada di sebelah garis kehidupanmu
sehingga aku hanya bisa melihatmu, tanpa bisa merasakan sesuatu darimu
tanpa bisa menyentuh hatimu
Tuhan tahu apa yang akan terjadi jika aku bersamamu
rumput takkan lagi hijau, bunga menghitam, angin takkan berhembus, duniaku kelam
sinar terang sang surya yang tersemat di dirimu selamanya takkan bisa menyinariku, sampai kapanpun
semesta alampun tidak mengijinkan kita untuk bersama, meski hanya sekejap saja
mereka tidak mengijinkanku mencicipi setetes sari hatimu
Tuhan ingin menghapusmu dari kehidupanku, tapi aku tak mau
biarlah kamu jadi bagian yang tak tersentuh di hatiku
biarlah kamu jadi satu bab cerita kehidupanku yang terpahat manis di dasar hatiku
awal yang berat, tapi aku yakin aku sanggup jalani itu semua
tapi pada akhirnya, jika memang ini yang terbaik, namamu akan senasib dengan burung-burung di luar sana
bebas sebebas bebasnya terbang, mengitari bumi yang sudah tidak indah lagi, kini
dan tidak akan ada lagi filosofi sepuluh-sepuluh-sepuluh
meski mungkin ada sesuatu yang spesial, tapi tak ada yang lebih spesial selain filosofi itu
aku hanya mau filosofi itu
dan nisan berukirkan namamu masih melekat di sini, di dasar jurang yang dalam
FOR MY FIRST LOVE
WHO I HAD EVER LOVED FOR A LONG TIME
Sooo many song lyrics that is for you I really would like to write on this post. But the fact, I can't. If I can mention, well, it's too many, sun, until sometimes I forget which one is for you. So, let the songs play only on my walkman. Let the memorizes play on my walkman too. Let the singers sing on my walkman. Let me enjoy all of those songs. Let me try to forget you with my own ways. Thank you, boy, for everything in last 8 years. It's too precious than you have ever thought before. Thank you, my old friend. =)
And I have let it disappear through the rain which hit my face yesterday afternoon. I said deep in my heart, "God, now I let it all go." And I'm sure I'm strong.
The love of a lifetime...
Since we were elementary friends...
The one with the bright eyes...
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